why do i get attacked for saying
no
to your seemingly innocent caresses on my arm
as you congratulate me on "great service?"

your $10 tip will not buy my consent.

when i tell you i am uncomfortable
you will only laugh
and lift your hands up in the air
as if they will erase the shivers left on my skin.

when i do not laugh back
you will become hostile
throwing words at my face
meant to make me bleed.

you do not realize your hostility only proves your guiltiness.

i am resilient
i will persist
i will say no

your $10 will not buy me.

flowers on a rainy day

i told myself i wouldn't fall in love as i sat across from you in the coffee shop.
you'd ordered one of those foamy caramel drinks.
i, an iced tea.
you smiled and gave me a hug.
it was warm and sweet.
and we sat down, both just content with each other's smiles and the background music of old couples laughing and coffee being made.

you told me about your adventures, and the kids you so badly wanted to help, and what makes a culture beautiful.
i watched the way your hands moved and your eyes sparkled as you talked about what you were passionate about,
and how you would lean forward as i spoke about where i hoped my life would go, and how pineapples were my favorite fruit, and how i loved flowers on a rainy day,
as if they were the most interesting things you had ever heard.

and as we left, i reminded myself
   don't fall in love.
but you walked me out to my car and gave me a hug goodbye,
and i knew it was already too late.

does it have to

i know
i get it
why do these things
have
to happen to us
sometimes
it just doesn't make sense

but does it 

have to

maybe sometimes
things happen
and we're not suppose
to know why
maybe instead
we're meant to
let go

and 

trust him

i don't know

what if
you don't know what to do?

you know,
everyone else has this idea for your life
and they tell you just how perfect,
how great,
how exciting it is.
but what about what you want?
what you think?

what if you don't know what you want?
what you think?
you just know it's not what everyone else is telling you
what now,
what to do?

i don't know guys,
i don't know.

so i wait

stories
inside my soul
but
one is darker than the other.
i hold onto them
afraid to let them go
what if they don't understand?
what if they can't see the light inside of me?
so i wait
too petrified to say anything
so i wait
and prepare for on to consume the other
so i wait
to see if the light stays
or if the darkness overtakes me