what now

Wednesday, June 21, 2017


what happens
when there's nothing
left
of myself to give
but they're alone
so alone
i can hear them calling
calling out
what if i can't 
answer their call
because no one 
ever answered it for me
but their arms
they're reaching out
trying to hold on
just hold on
what if i can't
hold on to them
much longer
because i'm so weak
so tired
but they're falling
falling
i can hear their cries
their sobs
what if i'm falling 
right along side them
what if i too
am choking on my tears
but
what now
we ask
what now



(bc. you're not responsible for others, all you can do is love them with the love Christ Jesus has given you. and other's aren't responsible for you, sometimes you have to learn to fall and get back up)


does it have to

Thursday, May 4, 2017



i know
i get it
why do these things
have
to happen to us
sometimes
it just doesn't make sense

but does it 
have to
maybe sometimes
things happen
and we're not suppose
to know why
maybe instead
we're meant to
let go
and 
trust him




true happiness

Sunday, April 23, 2017


she was happy
most of the time
that is
sure
some of her smiles were fake
and occasionally
her hand caught hot tears in the dead of night
but true happiness
doesn't mean
no sorrow
for you see
it was because of these
burdens
she carried near to her heart
that she was able
to laugh
and enjoy this life
so much more




i don't know

Monday, April 17, 2017


what if
you don't know what to do
you know
everyone else has this idea
for your life
and they tell you
just how perfect
how great
how exciting it is
but what about what
you want
you think
what if you don't know
what you want
what you think
but you do know
it's not what everyone else is
telling you
what now
what to do
i don't know guys
i don't know




to stay

Saturday, March 25, 2017


i fell in love
with the way he smiled
as he took my order
with the way his hand
brushed mine 
as he handed me my drink
with the way his eyes lit up
when i sat down
as if to say he wanted me
to stay
so i did

i fell in love
with the way she twirled her hair
as she ordered a latte
with the way her mouth quirked
when our hands touched
as she took her drink
with the way she sat
eyes dancing
as if to say she wanted me
to stay
so i did




so i wait

Friday, March 10, 2017


stories
inside my soul
but
one is darker
than the other
i hold onto them
afraid to
let them go
what if
they don't understand
what if
they can't see the light
inside of me
so i wait
too petrified to say
anything
so i wait
and prepare
for on to consume the other
so i wait
to see if the light
stays
or if the darkness
overtakes me




voices

Sunday, March 5, 2017


voices
they're everywhere
telling you
what to do
how to act
where to go
no one asks
no one cares?
it's not up to you
it's up to them
but no
stop
you see
that's wrong
believe it or not
he is wiser
than them
and
wiser than you
so don't listen to
the voices
and quiet your heart
lean into him
and listen
because he's got you
he always has
he always will

your timing vs my timing

Friday, March 3, 2017


you say to
wait
on you
to be
patient
but you see
why can't it
be now
that works better
no?
i know you know best
but
i know pretty well
so why not
listen to what
i want
it's just as good
no?
but
they're so cute
and well
sure i'm young
but
please
can't you see
it's what i want
it's what i need
no?
i know you see
the greater picture
but i see only
now
so please
just give me a taste
sure i don't know
best
but i know
no?
ok yes
go ahead
my life is in
you hands
not mine
i know this
i do
sometime i'm lonely
but you
you are enough
so i'll wait
until you say
go
i'll trust
in your timing
not mine




the emptiness that haunts me

Friday, February 17, 2017


i don't write
for i have no words
my pen is dry
and my wrist aches
yet still my page is
empty
      empty
            empty
these words
scream
pound
fight
to get out
but still
there's nothing
empty
      empty
            empty
so what can i do
but stare
drowning in my thoughts
unable to release them
unable to breath
without them
empty
      empty
            empty
these words haunt me
suffocate me
consume me
until i'm no more
than the emptiness
that forever follows me
empty 
      empty
            empty
has this become
the song of my heart
or
do i just have to wait
a little bit longer
for my words
to appear
once more




refusing to go out

Saturday, February 4, 2017


i want a passion
so strong
that the wind that moves the trees
and the force that creates the waves
gasp back in surprise
i want my pen
to spill ink
endlessly forming words
i want my heart
to sing
the birds in the sky
will come near
to hear my song
i want my options
to be endless
for there to be no limits
to who i can help
i want my soul
to reach the mountains
and explore the seas
i want my life
to fight
for what i believe
for who i love
for what i can achieve
i want my body
to have life
full of light
drops of sunlight
that dance off my fingertips
into the smiles of others
i want to fight
because my life is important
and i want to fight
because your life is important
so grab my hand
we can run into the moonlight
together
and watch it dance
across the river
we can live
like sparks flickering against the darkness
refusing to go out




i know now

Monday, January 30, 2017


you asked me
why
you might not remember
for it was awhile ago
but
i froze
i didn't know
how to answer
it was a basic question
something
i should have the answer to
right
but you see
sometimes
the simple questions
are the hardest to answer
sometimes
they're so much more
than little me
it's been awhile
and now
i see
what i didn't before
and now
i know why
but you
you don't care to know
why
anymore
that's okay
at least now
i have an answer
even if i'm never asked
again




observing the dreamers

Friday, January 27, 2017


maybe
the moon isn't so dead
after all
perhaps
the moon is much more
alive
than the rest of us
from shining its light
for passionate dancers
lovers twirling in the street
to peaking in through the window
comforting those alone
crying into their pillows
observing the dreamers
and sleepers
the adventurers
and worriers
the excited
and heartbroken
indeed
the moon has seen
far more
than any one
could ever dream




drowning

Friday, January 20, 2017


i sink
deeper
deeper
deeper
until the sun
no longer reaches me
i struggle
harder
harder
harder
but i fall
with no control
so my hand reaches
up
up
up
and i'm pulled
out of the darkness
because of his
love
love
love
i am no longer
drowning




she lived

Tuesday, January 17, 2017


the world outside
was sad
it pierced her heart
with icy winds
and in every step
the ground cracked
beneath her
she was isolated
afraid
for this was not
her home
yet
she carried on
because she knew
one day
she will be taken home
and today
it was her job
to make that known
to others
so she smiled
and
she lived




rescue us

Sunday, January 15, 2017


it's easy
to want to be
rescued
and to think
people
can do just that
we throw our
burdens
on them
we lay out our
hearts
and we give them
our deepest darkest
secrets
rescue me
we whisper
make me feel whole
make me feel special
make me feel forgiven
rescue me
but these people
they're just like you and i
with heavy burdens
hurting hearts
painful secrets
they too are whispering
rescue me
who will save us
now




her last smile

Wednesday, January 4, 2017


once
i knew this lady
who always smiled
you see
she was a lonely person
with no loved one
to hold her tight
during the dark nights
her children were grown
off in the world
making a life for themselves
i'm so proud of them
she would say
they're such good kids
yet
these children never called
never came home
because they were
busy
or something
still
this lady
she was happy
her eyes held wrinkles
only made possible
by laughter
she filled her house
with memories
the smell of brown sugar
and yellow roses
when it got too
quiet
which was often
she filled the silence
with prayer
for she knew
he was enough for her
one day
this lady
her heart stopped
some say
it was from loneliness
that this life
was too much for her
but i like to think
it was because
her heart was too full
with goodness
dying
she gave one last smile
to the world
that had been so
unkind to her
and went to be
with her savior
forevermore