how easy is it to forget there is pain you can't imagine
how easy is it to not realize how lucky you are
because wow oh wow you are so lucky
maybe you don't realize it
maybe you have skeletons in your closest
maybe you've experienced a bunch of crap
but think of the things you have that others don't
think of those stories where people have nothing
and remember the hugs your friends always give you
or the cookies your mom makes around christmas
or how your grandpa use to sing to you when you visited
remember the good things about the people you lost
or the fact that you've had people who've loved you when others haven't
or a place to live
or something to eat

maybe your mom doesn't remember your name
and your feet are always cold because all your socks have holes
and your stomach always growls in class because lunch is too expensive
maybe you've lost lots of loved ones
or your cry at night a lot
or sometimes it's so hard to breath because life makes it so difficult

but don't forget about the others
don't forget who they are
don't forget that you're an other to them
you matter
don't you?
so why don't they?

bc. wow we all have stories and experiences that are tough and hard and scary. don't forget that you're not alone. don't forget that you might have something someone else doesn't. don't forget that their story matters too. everyone deserves to be heard. (inspired after hearing a super sad super powerful story and realizing wow maybe we've both experienced hard things. maybe we both have something the other doesn't. but wow do both stories and do both of us matter.)

what now

what happens
when there's nothing
left
of myself to give

but they're alone

so alone

i can hear them calling

calling out

what if i can't 

answer their call

because no one 

ever answered it for me

but their arms

they're reaching out

trying to hold on

just hold on

what if i can't

hold on to them

much longer

because i'm so weak

so tired

but they're falling

falling

i can hear their cries

their sobs

what if i'm falling 

right along side them

what if i too

am choking on my tears

but

what now

we ask

what now

(bc. you're not responsible for others, all you can do is love them with the love Christ Jesus has given you. and other's aren't responsible for you, sometimes you have to learn to fall and get back up)

does it have to

i know
i get it
why do these things
have
to happen to us
sometimes
it just doesn't make sense

but does it 

have to

maybe sometimes
things happen
and we're not suppose
to know why
maybe instead
we're meant to
let go

and 

trust him

true happiness

she was happy
most of the time that is.
sure, some of her smiles were fake
and occasionally her hand caught hot tears in the dead of night
but true happiness doesn't mean no sorrow.
for you see,
it was because of these burdens she carried near to her heart
that she was able to laugh
and enjoy this life
so much more.

i don't know

what if
you don't know what to do?

you know,
everyone else has this idea for your life
and they tell you just how perfect,
how great,
how exciting it is.
but what about what you want?
what you think?

what if you don't know what you want?
what you think?
you just know it's not what everyone else is telling you
what now,
what to do?

i don't know guys,
i don't know.

to stay

i fell in love

with the way he smiled

as he took my order

with the way his hand

brushed mine 

as he handed me my drink

with the way his eyes lit up

when i sat down

as if to say he wanted me

to stay

so i did

i fell in love

with the way she twirled her hair

as she ordered a latte

with the way her mouth quirked

when our hands touched
as she took her drink

with the way she sat

eyes dancing

as if to say she wanted me

to stay

so i did

so i wait

stories
inside my soul
but
one is darker than the other.
i hold onto them
afraid to let them go
what if they don't understand?
what if they can't see the light inside of me?
so i wait
too petrified to say anything
so i wait
and prepare for on to consume the other
so i wait
to see if the light stays
or if the darkness overtakes me

voices

voices
they're everywhere
telling you what to do
how to act
where to go
no one asks
no one cares?
it's not up to you
it's up to them
but no
stop
you see
that's wrong
believe it or not
he is wiser than them
and wiser than you
so don't listen to the voices
and quiet your heart
lean into him
and listen
because he's got you
he always has
he always will

your timing vs my timing

you say to wait on you
to be patient
but you see
why can't it be now that works better
no?

i know you know best
but
i know pretty well
so why not listen to what i want
it's just as good
no?

but they're so cute
and well sure i'm young
but
please
can't you see
it's what i want
it's what i need
no?

i know you see
the greater picture
but i see only now
so please
just give me a taste
sure i don't know best
but i know
no?

ok yes
go ahead
my life is is your hands
not mine
i know this
i do
sometime i'm lonely
but you
you are enough
so i'll wait until you say go
i'll trust in your timing
not mine

the emptiness that haunts me

i don't write

for i have no words

my pen is dry

and my wrist aches

yet still my page is

empty

      empty

            empty

these words

scream

pound

fight

to get out

but still

there's nothing

empty

      empty

            empty

so what can i do

but stare

drowning in my thoughts

unable to release them

unable to breath

without them

empty

      empty

            empty

these words haunt me

suffocate me

consume me

until i'm no more

than the emptiness

that forever follows me

empty 

      empty

            empty

has this become

the song of my heart

or

do i just have to wait

a little bit longer

for my words

to appear

once more

refusing to go out

i want a passion
so strong
that the wind that moves the trees
and the force that creates the waves
gasp back in surprise

i want my pen
to spill ink
endlessly forming words

i want my heart
to sing so loudly
that the birds in the sky
will come near
just to hear my song

i want my options
to be endless
for there to be no limits
to who i can help

i want my soul
to reach the mountains
and explore the seas

i want my life
to fight for what i believe
for who i love
and for what i can achieve

i want my body
to have life
full of light
and drops of sunlight
that dance off my fingertips
into the smiles of others

i want to fight
because my life is important
and i want to fight
because your life is important

so grab my hand
we can run into the moonlight together
and watch it dance across the river
we can live
like sparks flickering against the darkness
refusing to go out

i know now

you asked me
why
you might not remember
it was awhile ago
but i froze
i didn't know how to answer

it was a basic question
something
i should have the answer to
right?
but you see
sometimes the simple questions
are the hardest to answer
sometimes they're so much more
than little me

it's been awhile
and now
i see what i didn't before
and now
i know why
but you
you don't care to know why
anymore

that's okay
at least now i have an answer
even if i'm never asked
again

observing the dreamers

maybe
the moon isn't so dead after all
perhaps
the moon is much more alive
than the rest of us

from shining its light
for passionate dancers
lovers twirling in the street
to peaking in through the window
comforting those alone
crying into their pillows

observing the dreamers and sleepers
the adventurers and worriers
the excited and heartbroken

indeed
the moon has seen far more
than any one
could ever dream

drowning

i sink
deeper
deeper
deeper
until the sun
no longer reaches me

i struggle
harder
harder
harder
but i fall
with no control

so my hand reaches
up
up
up
and i'm pulled
out of the darkness

because of his
love
love
love
i am no longer
drowning

she lived

the world outside
was sad
it pierced her heart
with icy winds
and in every step
the ground cracked
beneath her
she was isolated
afraid
for this was not
her home
yet
she carried on
because she knew
one day
she will be taken home
and today
it was her job
to make that known to others
so she smiled
and
she lived

rescue us

it's easy
to want to be rescued
and to think
people
can do just that
we throw our burdens
on them
we lay out our hearts
and we give them
our deepest darkest secrets

rescue me
we whisper
make me feel whole
make me feel special
make me feel forgiven
rescue me

but these people
they're just like you and i
with heavy burdens
hurting hearts
painful secrets
they too are whispering
rescue me

who will save us
now?

her last smile

once
i knew this lady who always smiled
you see
she was a lonely person
with no loved one to hold her tight
during the dark nights
her children were grown
off in the world
making a life for themselves

i'm so proud of them
she would say
they're such good kids

yet
these children never called
never came home
because they were busy
or something
still
this lady
she was happy
her eyes held wrinkles
only made possible by laughter
she filled her house
with memories
the smell of brown sugar
and yellow roses

when it got too quiet
which was often
she filled the silence with prayer
for she knew
he was enough for her

one day
this lady
her heart stopped
some say it was from loneliness
that this life
was too much for her
but i like to think
it was because
her heart was too full with goodness

dying
she gave one last smile
to the world that had been so
unkind to her
and went to be with her savior
forevermore